The Four S’s – Fiction Review #DorriesTheAuthor

Today I have been fortunate enough to have access to a literary masterpiece written by new author Nadine Dorries MP. Impressed by her wordsmanship, I feel compelled to put pen to paper myself by writing this review of her work.  

This autobiographical work of fiction, takes us from late Summer 2006 to the present day in an exciting roller-coaster ride full of dramatic twists and u-turns.  Feel the author’s passion as she pours her heart out, taking you on a journey of jealousy, passion, resentment and revenge. Feel the deep emotions of the author on every page as she digs takes you deeper and deeper holes for herself making you plead inwardly for her to stop. Just stop. 

Our “Working Class heroine” bravely battles through torrid tales of botched botox abortions, adultery, alcoholism, liars, thieves, super-powered fetuses, more liars, expense-scandals, handbags, gladrags, liars and of course, the Four Stalkers themselves. 

Watch her stand accused of theft, struggle to find love – turn family against family – ditch love – stand accused of theft, find herself in a jungle, get thrown out of a jungle, stand accused of theft and all the while yearn for someone to just believe in her. 

This truly is a masterpiece of fiction writing, well worth the £66,000+ we, the tax-payer shell out every year in order to support this poor, struggling writer in her endeavors to convince everyone she is not on the fiddle  save the world from evil abortion doctors make this world a better place for her and her daughters pockets . 

I dread look forward to reading a lot more from this author, I understand she also has this new book coming out..  

Editor Rosie de Courcy said: “Nadine is one of the most naturally gifted storytellers I have ever come across”

No shit Sherlock.. 😉 

 

 

Photo ht @GaspardWinckler

Fun & Frolics

So, I have been talking to another blogger this week and came to the conclusion that we both need to go back to those heady days of SUCH FUN DARLING that were abruptly stopped by a certain, soon to be de-selected with any luck MP for Mid Bedfordshire.    

How to get back into the swing of writing for the sheer fun of it is a tricky one so I thought I would just bang this out and chuck it in your direction. It is a start. 

That was about the fun, now here are the promised frolics..  

Well, who doesn’t love a winking dog? 😉

Hasta Luego x

A Tale Of Two Tories.. #Dorries

Nadine Dorries in her usual deluded fashion has today compared her publicity-seeking, self-indulgent, highly paid trip to Australia (to appear on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here”) to the Ministerial work of fellow Bedfordshire MP, Alistair Burt.  This is what Alistair has to say about himself and his work on his website:

Alistair Burt MP

“As MP for North East Bedfordshire my main job is to represent the constituents of the area, and I hope you will find this website helpful in seeing what I do and where I have been in the constituency in recent weeks. You can also find contact details for my team, and details of advice centre appointment booking.  I also have the honour and privilege of being the Minister for the Middle East, North Africa and South Asia in the Coalition Government, which gives me responsibility for our links with 30 countries.  Travel takes me away from Westminster more than Bedfordshire, and I endeavour to be as available as ever for constituents.  In my absences, my team of  Eve, Katherine, Mandy, Tessa and Jonathan are available to assist you.”  Taken from http://www.alistair-burt.co.uk/

Let’s do a quick comparison shall we? Alistair is a MINISTER, Nadine a back bencher. Alistair has a fantastic team of assistants who cover his constituency in his absence. Nadine employs her daughter Phillippa on a generous, tax-payer funded salary to run her office, despite the fact that Phillippa actually works full-time as a trainee lawyer for Mischon De Reya.  They both claimed just over £158,000 in parliamentary expenses 2008/9 , Dorries as a back bencher, Burt as Assistant Chief Whip and Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party with responsibility for Internal Development.

Alistair is a Burt, Nadine Dorries is a Berk.

Dear Boundary Commission, re: Nadine Dorries

Dear Boundary Commission people, my excuse for a politician MP has written to many in her constituency begging demanding stamping her feet  asking them to write to you in regard to the review you are undertaking.  The letter (pictured below with thanks to @LfcSandra )  contains a template for emails but I prefer to write my own words.

We in Mid Bedfordshire couldnt give a flying fuck are not overly concerned about the boundary changes and have complete faith in your ability to decide what is best for us. What does worry us is the continued presence of a self-serving, bitter, conniving, manipulative, lying MP who is more interested in making personal attacks than doing her duty in representing her constituents. 

God speed your reforms.. 

Best wishes, 

The WHOLE of Mid Bedfordshire 

The Hypocritical Oaf…

Today our dear leader, David Cameron has preached made a speech at a summit in Sweden about equality. Included in his utter bullshit words of wisdom he said “case is overwhelming that companies and countries run better if you have men and women working together at the top. So the real nub of the issue is how do we accelerate, how do we fast forward to having at least 30% of boards made up by women. The evidence is that there is a positive link between women in leadership and business performance, so if we fail to unlock the potential of women in the labour market, we’re not only failing those individuals, we’re failing our whole economy.”

“That’s where you get down to quotas, which I don’t think you should ever rule out. If you can’t get there in other ways, then maybe you have to have quotas.”

Time to practice what you preach Mr C? 

http://www.number10.gov.uk/the-coalition/the-cabinet/  Currently in the 29 strong Coalition Cabinet we have just 5 female’s. Now, I’m not great at maths but even I can work out that a ratio of 29/5 is a tad short of the desired 30%…

Downing Street later said the government had no plans to introduce quotas and wanted the impetus to come from business….

In other news, David Cameron has shown his full support for his latest scapegoat  Health Secretary Andrew Lansley.  Here is David showing the rest of us “his full support” ; )

David Cameron’s Full Support..

David Cameron’s Cap… #wrb

Following today’s bullying over-rule of The Lords’ amendments to the much feared Welfare Reform Bill, it seems that David Cameron has indeed got his new cap…

Resolve…

Just reading back some of my blog posts from last year and remembered that I had such high hopes for 2011.  In many ways it was a great year, I got my new job, one foot fixed and moved into a cheaper rental house (albeit in an area I hate).  I also had a few disasters, mostly my own fault as I decided to say “YES” to every opportunity that came my way.. fortunately nobody offered me a donkey (which may have been preferable to the marriage proposal tbh) .  This year I shall resolve to say “I’ll think about it”, which may lead to a duller year but might save a lot of agro! 

2011 saw the continuation of our beloved Coalition government, Margaret Thatcher adorning every bus in the South East and record youth unemployment, one would think there was a link.. 

My predictions for 2012 include a new Hollywood blockbuster “Mama Mia, the Ironing Lady” in which Meryl Streep plays an 80’s singing char-woman tasked with house-keeping at No.10. Adele will top the charts with an up-beat jive number, Katy Price & Kerry Katona will join together in a civil ceremony, Nick Clegg will find his conscience and split the Coalition and Delia Smith, along with the Pogues frontman Shane Macgowan reveal the secret to their shiny white teeth is brushing thrice daily with gerbil urine. Ok, that was perhaps a bit silly, Nick Clegg doesnt have a conscience #mybad

Enough rambling from me, here’s to a more thoughtful, less spontaneous but hopefully bloody fantastic 2012 ! 

Fruity pigtails.. #water

Ha! Tricked you… if you thought this was going to be a cheeky post about my pigtails I am sorry.. well, not *that* sorry. Now you are here, you may as well read on, right?

My bathroom sink is blocked.  The water stays in it for ages now. This morning I looked down at it and it appeared to be yellow.  It wasnt, the yellow was from the amazing sunshine we had today, bursting in through the window and lighting up the whole room.

Yellow water took me instantly back to rural Spain where I lived for 5 years.  We lived in a tiny hamlet that had electricity but no mains water.  My Spanish neighbours, who grew fruit and vegetables had Riega water (agricultural water sent to order via big concrete pipes).  We had ours via a truck.  That sounds mad. It was mad.

I would phone Pepe in my broken Spanish, Pepe would promise to bring water. Pepe wouldn’t turn up. I would phone him again the next day, he would ignore the call or promise but again fail to deliver.  After several days of this my neighbour would go to the village to find him in the bar, he would turn up three hours later with our water. 

I didn’t have a pit for the water so he would put it into our pool… we would then clean the water (which was always yellow with a green tinge and contained various bugs and small frogs) and pump it up to our house as and when we needed it.. Every time we used the water, the pool water dipped. Once it had dipped by about a metre, it was no longer possible to keep it clean properly as the level fell below the filter height.  The water would return to yellow, tinged with green and mosquitos would make it their home.

That is how we lived for 2 years.  Clean water for a week then dirty, smelly water for three until we started to run out and had to try to track down Pepe again. One day Pepe bought a lovely new truck. It was too big to get around the corner before my house so he simply couldn’t deliver.  Without water we could no longer live in our little Spanish hamlet, work dried up at the same rate as our remaining swimming pool water so we reluctantly packed up and returned to live in the UK.

I feel so blessed to live in a country where our tap water is clean and drinkable.  Every time I have a shower I say thank you for being able to wash my hair and for it to smell of apples afterwards instead of pond.

Splash ; )

 

Help others to have clean water by donating what you can and please don’t waste this gift we have been given.

(Remind me one day to tell you about the Riega water system and how I showed the old Spanish men that women aren’t *all that* incapable after all)

M.E and my #ATOS test…

Today I had my dreaded medical examination with ATOS in Luton.  I arrived on time, thanks to The Mothership chauffering me. She couldn’t get parked anywhere near the centre (which has NO designated parking – what a massive fail that is) so she drove to a side street and I went in alone. 

I was in a great deal of pain today, mostly due to my neck flaring up and so the receptionist let me sit down and she came out of her office to “book me in”.  After a 15 minute wait, I was asked to walk down a long corridor to meet Dr D.K.Mallick.   Dr Mallick was lovely, which really surprised me as the last “Dr” I saw there was extremely cold and defensive with me. 

He began by asking me about my recent foot operation, moving on to cover my last employment, medication, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Home life, neck problems and Mental Health.   This took over 3/4s of an hour. It should have taken half of that time.. The reason?  The computer system for Luton and several other towns (names escape me but they were local), has had “issues” since December.  Where they used to handle 10 claimants per day, now they are lucky to see 6.  At one point he was so frustrated and embarrassed he threatened to walk out in protest.  I am pretty sure it is a “sharing” issue as the form he fills in is online.  Possibly the broadband speed needs increasing. Anyway, I’m not a computer expert but it’s pretty much fucked up borked.

Dr Mallick skipped through a few points (including the physical exam) as he was so stressed and could see I was in a lot of pain. He did have a look at both of my feet though and told me that I would probably be called back in 6 – 12 months.  Luckily for me, I won’t have to go back as I have been offered a job working from home.  My Fabulous New Bossman (FNB) knows all about my health issues and is happy for me to do what I can, when I can.  I have, for once fallen *on*  my feet instead of falling because of them! 

Something struck me though during the process, he kept referring to CFS in a “mental” disorder, rather than a neurological condition. I called him out on this at the end of the session and he explained that the computer test is set that way.. However, this link from @latentexistence   clearly shows that CFS is regarded as a physical condition for DLA claimants. I hope that when the current ATOS test is reformed, this is corrected.

Although my examination went well today and the good Dr told me that I should have passed with no problems, the ATOS test is badly managed.  Claimants who should be exempt are still being called in, the current test is a “tick box” one which is simply not working. 

Please sign the petition below if you care about this important issue.

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/sack-atos-healthcare/sign.html

Want to make an FOI request about ATOS? Click this link: http://foiwiki.com/foiwiki/index.php/Main_Page

****UPDATE***

Whilst I gained enough points to qualify for ESA, I was added to the “Help back to work” group and an interview was arranged for me at the Job Centre.  I never made it to the interview however as I was lucky enough to be offered a job by my neighbour.  I have been working for him ever since and am SO grateful to him I can’t tell you, nobody else would have given me such a chance with my recent sickness record (and another operation pending).   I now have my dignity, a decent standard of living (despite what some say, life on benefits is REALLY hard) and I met a lovely man who fell in love despite my very attractive boot ; )   I know I am one of the lucky ones but I promise to keep fighting for the rest of you who are being so very badly treated by this government. Much love, HC x