TwitWatchUK – Week 5 – Oil Baron’s, Trees and “Oh Sheeeet”‘s

Another week already, who would’ve thunk?

This week has been mostly overshadowed with the unrest in Egypt. Despite the “Day of Departure” demonstration, the ruling President Murbarak still maintains his position, some people just can’t take a hint can they.. ?

In other news, the Conservative’s have cleverly solved the war over NHS reforms by smoking us out with library closures and  forest-selling.  The forest-selling off really won’t affect us though as they already have it under control..

 

They took all the trees
And put them in a tree museum
And they charged all the people
A dollar and a half to see ’em

Available for sale for just £21.80 (I kid you not)

 

Da da da da da da da da da da… doesn’t sound the same without the music does it?

In TV news this week the delightfully sweary grandma from Gavin and Stacey, Margaret John passed away *sad face* 84 year old Margaret said in 2010 “I get hugged by women and kissed by men in supermarkets. It’s lovely!”  “It’s great to be a sex goddess at my age!”   But *happy face* it was announced that the hit 80’s Dallas, last aired in 1991 would be returning to our screens..YAY! But how will they bring it back? Ms Cushion would love it to return via another Patrick Duffy/aka Bobby Ewing “it was all just a dream” shower scene..

Speaker John Bercow’s wife Sally caused a right rumpus again this week, this time posing in just a bedsheet for a Valentine’s newspaper special.  While I think she was probably a bit daft to pose as she did, let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that… doesn’t mean that we can’t take the mick mercilessly though does it ; )

TwitWatchUK – 31st Jan – Week 4 (or should that be Weak… )

Twitwatch UK would have been so much easier this week had I actually spent time on Twitter!  My operation was Tuesday so I was in a funny world of panic in the days leading up to it and have pretty much slept through every day since.  I did manage to pluck a few gems out however..

Jane Blount hit the headlines this week complaining to a radio station ” “My son James Blunt, who is hugely appreciated worldwide, receives harsh criticism here and we have, rather sadly, been aware that it is because of his background”   Nothing to do with the fact he’s a talentless prick then?   He did something right though, in dropping the “O” from his name he provided Twitter with the perfect rhyming slang hashtag opportunity.

Orders are being taken for this year’s must-have toy…  (via @robinbogg)

Just what every child needs, what family isn’t complete without a carriage and corgi after all..

It started with a tweet….  Another bargain that you may have missed out on this week is a piece of magic history, after tweeting a picture of it, Paul Daniels sold one of his toupees on Ebay this week, raising £1100 for charity! 

 

Which beg’s the question, who on earth would pay £1100 for a ginger toupee?  

The trending topic of the week though seemed to be sexism in sport following the release of taped conversations between two Sky sports presenters.  Sexism in sport, who would’ve thunk?

TwitwatchUK – Week Three (24th Jan)

Welcome to this week’s TwitWatch UK..  as usual we have a load of old crap some great stories from the past week to share with you.

Weather-wise, it was reported that 2010 was the coldest UK winter on record,  whilst  being the 2nd warmest year Globally. Do you think someone has it in for us? Maybe it’s a conspiracy along the lines of “why can’t we ever win the Eurovision Song Contest” despite cheating our way into the final’s every year donating towards the contest costs?
 

Yay!  Top Gear came back!  Clarkson heroically had a helicopter land on the roof of a car he was driving.. it was like watching James Bond, only well, you know.. Clarkson is really scruffy, annoying and not in the least bit fanciable. APART from that.. it was awesome : ) Another Yay! Richard Hammond finally cut his hair, I think Mummy must have put her foot down although he is still wearing his 18-30s necklace..  Best of all though, they introduced a new Stig, who says women cant’ drive? ; )

A new comedy show was launched on TV this week with a live format.. The 10 O’Clock Show.. it was good but a bit like watching a Twitter stream that’s already three days old.

The best news of the week for me was that Ed Balls was finally appointed as Shadow Chancellor, sadly at the expense of Alan Johnson’s resignation but hey, the HOC will be a much livelier place from now on! Hopefully he is the man to kick Ed Miliband up the jacksy and we will see some proper opposition at last.

Andy Coulson also resigned this week so Twitter has de-twibboned from  “Sack Coulson”  and re-twibboned “Arrest Coulson” instead.. 

Mama Mia, here she goes again..  Meryl Streep was spotted at PMQs last week, swatting up for her imminent role as Margaret Thatcher in the film “The Iron Lady”. Humphrey just hopes it’s not a singing role, although “Money Money Money” would be rather appropriate.

Lastly and Ghastly.. my favourite tweeter stopped tweeting :*(   This post (sorry it’s crap) is dedicated to the much missed @Gaijinsan21, we hope you come back soon, Humphrey Twitter just isn’t the same without you x

Twit-Watch UK Week 2, 17th January 2011 #twitwatchuk #Clegg #Miracles #PMQs

First up Nick Clegg who has copped on that he has effectively pissed off isolated a great deal of his GE2010 voters so in response to this obvious-to-everyone-else bolt from the blue has responded by re-naming “The Great Ignored” – “Alarm-Clock Britain” . He is now the Alarm-Clock Britain’s champion!  Quite how he will convince them he is on-side is beyond me, his “no income tax for low earners”   has been completely wiped out by the rise in VAT, Twit-Watch UK shall watch his struggle with interest.

Ken Tong announces “it was all a dweam” a ‘la Bobby Ewing.. well kind of.. He gave an interview to reporter Johann Hari who pointed out to him the dangers of pushing “managed anorexia” onto thousands of teenage girls and that he might be hoisted up by his balls and hung sued for damages. Tong then pleaded with Hari not to publish the interview and declared it was all just a social media joke to see if people would react.. well Ken, we did react, mostly by swearing!

Two miracles seem worthy of report.. firstly Pope John Paul ii has reportedly cured a nun of Parkinson’s disease, from beyond the grave.. He is now being made a Saint, Humph wonder’s if perhaps the nun’s immune system kicked in and did it’s job, I’m sure medical scientists would love to examine her and perhaps help other sufferers but let’s all go with the miracle theory shall we.. #papalfail 

The second miracle is that Susan Hampshire is not actually dead as I previously wrote (thanks @fulhammatty for pointing it out), but sadly Susannah York IS dead.. so RIP and thanks for all the films : ) 

PMQs was a disappointment with David Cameron resorting to insults rather than making any attempt to answer the questions put to him. He ended by calling Ed Miliband “The Nothing Man”.. which put me in mind of this wonderful clip from the movie Shrek.

If Miliband is “The Nothing Man”, surely Cameron with his welfare reforms which include taking DLA from care-home residents is the bullying and disablist Lord Farquaad..

Twit-Watch UK – 9/01/2011

Inspired by @Chislehurst, this is the first TwitWatch UK post.. if all goes to plan and you like them, I will make them weekly all year 🙂

Coalition raise VAT to 20% – Twitter plot’s to scupper the extra tax on biscuits by pledging to buy Jaffa Cakes instead of HobNobs..  mwa ha ha..  (I had trouble finding Jaffa Cakes today, they were sold out in a lot of stores #TwitterWin )

1st Anniversary of the day a man made a stupid joke  – A year ago this week, Paul Chambers sent the #TwitterJokeTrial tweet, which led to a conviction and him losing his job.  Paul (with the help of fantastico lawyer @JackOfKent aka David Allen Green) is taking the case to the High Court in a bid to clear his name.  To help Paul, please donate what you can to the Trial Fund or buy a fab T-Shirt or Mug 🙂

I Am Spartacus!

Kenneth Tong, You’re SO Wrong..  This week also brought us the joy that is Kenneth Tong, a man with the plan to make all women a size Zero. I have NEVER been a size Zero in my life, certainly not going to try it now.. pass the Jaffa cakes..

RIPs – Twitter mourned the loss of Gerry Rafferty and Pete Posselthwaite this week and for an hour or so, that of Gabrielle Giffords, the US Senator who was critically injured (first thought of as dead) in a horrific shooting for which the Tea Party are seemingly responsible.. if only indirectly, which left 6 people including a nine-year old girl, dead.

Expenses Scandal MP Jailed –  On Friday, Labour MP  David Chaytor was rightfully imprisoned for 18 months over his £20,000 expenses fraud. This news was somewhat overshadowed by sordid revelations by my MP!

Hashtaggery – A silly hashtag #LameToFame gave us all a laugh this week, my contribution was the fact I have a pair of Johnny Vaughn’s discarded long-john’s.. long  john’s/long story.. !

Jaffa Cakes – In support of the splendid Jaffa Cake and inspired by last week’s TV special #StarGazing presented by Professor Brian Cox, Humph revives the wonderful “Eclipse” advert…

Full Moon...

 

Half Moon....

 

Total Eclipse !!