Nadine Dorries “says Sorry”..

Taken from YouTube, with grateful thanks to “TheAslanOfNarnia”…

Dorries Law – The 140 Character Commandments

Since the news first broke on Twitter on Thursday, “Dorries” has been a trending topic.. a very long time for one person to trend (with the exception of the Bieber boy) .  There has been absolute outrage, lots of swearing, serious debates, nasty racist jibes from the BNP crowd at one lovely tweter and most recently mirth..

#DorriesLaw  is a lighthearted dig at the “Honourable Member”.. here are her 140 Character Commandments..

** This is SATIRE, written mostly by disabled tweeters and if offence is caused, it is completely unintentional.. **

 

  • Deaf people with sign language can work as human traffic lights if     suspended from posts
  • People in wheelchairs could easily play Daleks in Doctor Who
  • There’s nothing more depressing than working in a call centre, so make depressed people work in call centres
  • Blind people can work in coalmines where you can’t really see anything anyway
  • People with multiple personality disorders can easily take on more than one job
  • People on mobility scooters could work as more localised grocery delivery service
  • If these homless types can sell The Big Issue then can get jobs running a newsagents
  • Unemployed? Get your parents to become an MP then they can employ you
  • Are you a midget? Instead of waiting for Xmas to come along to work as a pantomime dwarf, you could clean out some chimneys?
  • Disabled people in wheelchairs to be dropped on Afghanistan as tanks
  • Know what’s happening in twitter and the media – then you should get a job as a political commentator. It’s that easy!
  • On a ventilator? Get a job as a humidifer and stop scrounging from the state you feckless, idle waster
  • The short-sighted can write for The Daily mail
  • Too depressed to move? Get a job as a speed bump!
  • Disabled? Sad? Isolated? Be a sprinkler in the summer! no more hose pipe bans
  • Useless, bigoted, intolerant, prejudiced and offensive to right thinking people? Get a job as Nadine Dorries
  • Severe Dermatitis? You could be putting the flaky into flaky pastry at Greggs
  • Pile undeserving poor up across ports of entry, make it harder for foreigners to get in.
  • The deaf to be employed in all customer contact services for the DWP
  • Disabled by paranoia? Yet another great qualification for writing for the Daily Mail.
  • Dead? Plenty of acting jobs for corpses if you’d just get up off your decomposing arse and look for one.
  • Paraplegic? People will need draught excluders in these coming winter months…
  • Tourettes ? Court stenographer in chav land (Swindon) You probably swear less and it would brighten court..
  • Got epilepsy? Clearly “Fit” For work.
  • That deaf, dumb and blind kid who plays a mean pin ball. If he can do that, he can do a proper job.
  • Trouble communicating? Prone to deranged outbursts? Stop scrounging benefits, become a Tory MP and scrounge expenses instead.
  • Lost our satelite signal….thats how rainy it was – anybody with a plate in their head who fancies an evenings work ring me
  • Stephen hawking has a job and can use a computer… He is our benchmark to which we gauge…
  • If you can pick up your Giro you can pick up litter, now get on with it shnell shnell. 
  • Chronic fatigue sufferers! The DWP will employ you to deal with benefits claims. The less able you are, the better!
  • Strong enough to deal with chemo? Strong enough to empty our bins!
  • Got a heroin problem? Start taking speed as well to perk you up. You’ll soon be working 12 hour shifts to aid the recovery
  • Suffering with severe depression? Don’t bother with Prozac, slap on some face paint and become a sad clown mime.
  • Got a sharp knife & a chopping board? Slice cabbages & carrots for money. Yes, you can make Coleslaw under
  • Unemployed? Answer your emails, Nigerian businessmen will offer you money, just give him your bank details & get off benefits
  • The Thing works for the Addams Family and he’s just a detached hand! If he can do it, so can you!
  • Quadruple amputee? Get out there & get a job as a sandbag you lazy shirker. Don’t u know it’s flood season
  • Sale of PCs to the disabled banned. If you can use it, you’re not sick enough for benefits
  • Passed away? Rigor mortis set in? Assume the position and take a job as a coat rack
  • Dyscalculia? Good you’re the ideal person to help me with my expenses.. you’re hired!
  • Multiple personality disorder? Become a libdem mp
  • Stay at home mums deserve respect and a voice!! Unless they’re single mothers on benefits. Then they should STFU.
  • Insomnia? That’s not a proper illness! Get two jobs you work shy scrounger. Haven’t you seen Fight Club?
  • To make the new benefits system even more efficient maybe claimants could also wear a yellow star.
  • VolgaTV. Tory MP admits obsessive new media use, signs off sick, shops herself as benefit fraud & forces self back to work as MP
  • Vertically challenged? Get down your local theatre for a job. It’s nearly panto season again.
  • Drastic cuts for the disabled are needed, because unlike tax evaders, the disabled don’t contribute to my election fund!
  • Disabled folk could easily get work as extras on Holby City or Casualty
  • Newly graduated but unemployed? Get your shameless MP mum to give you a £28K job at the tax payers expense

 

  • “Chilean miners, you have a lot to learn. I’m in a hole and I didn’t stop digging.” Nadine Dorries on #dorrieslaw

 

Gonna leave it there, the last one says it all…

 

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are not necessarily those of Ms Cushion although she giggled all night reading them.

BTW, sorry for not tagging each entry by name.. Humph is very tired 😦   its been a long few days xx

A message from a friend…

Yet again, I’ve been moved to tears by a fellow tweeter with a hidden illness. Tonight, I received this message…

Humph, hello x

I know you’re a bit snowed under, so I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I’ve just (about 2 hours ago) popped on to Twitter for the first time since Weds and I was so shocked to see what’s been going on! It looks like you’re handling the whole sorry situation *amazingly*. I hope you are okay, it must be a little overwhelming, but I am chuffed that you are getting so much support.

It’s funny, because one of the reasons that I haven’t been on there or FB for a few days is that I’ve been off sick for 8 weeks & a ‘colleague’ commented that I seem to be managing to keep up with Twitter & FB okay. Silly cow. She doesn’t get that most of the time I Tweet laying down because I’m in too much pain to move. And I don’t mention being poorly, because I don’t want to moan. It happened to coincide with me going to stay at a friend’s to get some more fun times for (childs name removed) while I rest, so I thought I’d stay off for a while anyway, but I’ll be back & adding my name to the #TeamHumph campaign soon.

Anyway, my time at home has been made immeasurably more pleasant by Twitter – and that includes your brilliantly entertaining Tweets & pics. So not only is your Twitter use helping you through a difficult time, you are helping me too.

Have got to wait till November to see my consultant (it’s a chronic thing, my last ‘flare’ was 10 years ago – I was seen & operated on within 3 weeks back then, so this wait has been a bit of a shock). Anyway, just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you & I think this is going to work out great for you. So sorry you’ve been the focal point of such ignorance. Take care. Team Humph FTW!

 

 

( The reason I havent published her name is that she wishes to remain hidden.. )

Twitter, Autism and Me.. A Guest Post

I am autistic. I have known this since I was 20 when I was tested for Dyslexia and Dyspraxia while I was at University. I also am Dyslexic and Dyspraxic but I have all three marginally. This is how I was ‘undiscovered’ for so long.

I haven’t told many people, the only people that know is the Doctor and medical team that tested me and a few very close friends. I haven’t even told my family.

I’m not ashamed of my autism but I am scared that people will treat me differently. The people I have told have shrugged it off with a comment such as “I always knew you were special.” Always the same joke but then the seriousness of “I didn’t know” or “I’m sorry”. Of course they didn’t know, I didn’t always know! But I do hide it and cope well in order to hide it. However, I don’t know why they are sorry as I’m not. It hasn’t changed my life, just given more clarity to it.

I’ve always been independent, segregated, for want of a better word, from ‘society’ because I like it like that and I struggle to cope in many social situations. I often find myself confused which leads to frustration as I don’t know why I am confused and then I get upset. Not visibly so, but I often cry when I’m alone because I can’t cope.

I have friends, lots of them, but I only have two friends I can rely on and have seen me hit the bottom and have helped me back up. These two I have had before I found out.

I’ve never had, what one would call, a relationship. I’ve never had a girlfriend. I’ve had sexual encounters but because I haven’t been able to relate to the other person the experiences have been unsatisfactory, almost worthless. However, I’m not actively looking for a girlfriend as I’m desperately trying to navigate the relationships I already have.

Autism, at times, can be lonely other times it doesn’t affect how I operate. However I would not want not to be autistic because then I wouldn’t be me. Twitter helps overcome the social awkwardness as I am dealing in the written language and no one has to see me and I don’t have to see them either. I don’t consider myself disabled, but I do have difficulties and Twitter helps overcome them. Twitter is a lifeline to anyone regardless of ability because sometimes only strangers can comfort because they don’t come with preconceptions. Some judge, but the majority don’t.

You have heard my story of how autism affects me and how Twitter helps. What’s your story?

**If you are affected by this issue or are just concerned, please take a moment to sign this petition against disibility hate crime.

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