I used to be ticklish until one day when I was around 10 I decided not to be any more. I used to smoke, similarly one day I decided not to be a smoker. The same goes for being camera-shy. Having a long-held belief that I had an enormous nose/stomach/bottom and frizzy hair, (mostly true as it goes) I would always hide when a lens was pointed my way. So it happened that one day last year I decided not to be camera-shy.
I vaguely remember why, I had recently escaped from an unhappy relationship and had absolutely ZERO confidence. Then a date was cancelled that I had been really excited about, “it’s not you, it’s me, I’m not ready, bla bla bla”.. I felt old and unwanted. A school re-union was looming so one day I pulled myself together, got my hair coloured and de-frizzed, put on make-up and took some photos for Facebook. Actually, I took about 20 photos for Facebook, settling on two that didn’t make me want to shoot myself. Actually, for the first time in years I looked quite nice : )
THAT was the answer.. take LOTs of pictures! I was talking to the Mothership yesterday about this, she saw my Sally Bercow pic and for once gave me a compliment. She “never takes a good photo”, so I told her to practice. Take an hour out, get a digital camera and have plenty of spare batteries to hand. Take a pic, look at it.. see what is wrong and take another and another and so on until you have about 50. I’ll bet you can find at least 5 that you like, the more you practice the more you will grow in confidence and will quickly learn how to hold your head and smile when a camera is unexpectedly poked in your face.
Go on, go for it! Why are we so hung up with this? We even think it’s vain to look in mirrors. I would NEVER look in the mirror in public, least some other woman thinks I am being vain, its a ridiculous hang-up to have. Now I have finally started to grow up I am thinking “fuck-it” more often and am throwing off my hang-ups like discarded clothes. I am becoming more vocal too, as I demonstrated on Twitter yesterday by having a rather heated row! ( The Mothership is also speaking her mind more and more, actually she is getting downright rude to some people.. hurray! Cool granny! )
One day I want to be a cool granny, I intend wearing my hair too long, my neckline too low and my heels to high. I will wear hats and carry ducklings and kittens around in a basket. I will smoke a pipe and drink whiskey! Well, maybe not.. but I sure wont be a dull old lady smelling of lavender, knitting shreddies, that’s for sure!
I wasnt sure how I would feel about being 40, it always seemed such a “grown-up” age. I saw a tweet this week which went along the lines “I can’t imagine over 40’s having sex, eew, just eew”.. Erm, what??? I have never felt as confident in myself as I do now at 40, I just need a fella to practice on!
I have sat in an armchair for the best part of the last year, now my surgery is over (for now) I am impatient to fly, I want to grab life by the hair and drag it screaming behind me as I skinny-dip my way through the rest of my life! So bring it on.. for my next hang-up challenge I shall dance!
Now you, go get that camera and send me the pics : )