More Ms Cushion For The Pushin…

An idiot who goes by the name of Kenneth Tong has set Twitter on fire this week with his tweets about size Zero.  His outrageous comments include telling women to either slim or they may as well die.. He is planning to launch a “Size Zero Slimming Pill”… that sounds extremely dangerous and I sincerely hope the government steps in to ban it. 

To my horror and disgust he has managed to make me dislike my body again. After years of dieting I had finally got to a place in my mind where I accepted the way I am and even quite like some bits of it ( * )( * )  😉  Now the little troll in my head is saying “Oooh, Size Zero pills..”

We’ve all tried to put on or lose weight in our life, yes some people do try to put on weight!  Size Zero isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.. I personally prefer to look at curvy women, I grew up with Marilyn Monroe posters all over my room, Nigella is a favourite role model of mine 🙂  .

I first tried to lose weight for my wedding.  I remember standing in the bridal shop wearing “the dress”, it was beautiful. Simple but with a fishtail skirt, I had the perfect hour glass figure, I really felt like Marilyn  🙂   I told the fitter that to order a smaller size as I was going to lose weight for the wedding. She snorted. Honestly, she actually snorted!  She didnt order the smaller dress and I didnt lose any weight… bugger it.

Next came post-baby dieting, after my third child I had gone up 2 dress sizes so off to the gym I went.. I also started writing a book about my “journey from fat to slim” in the form of a diary, following my experiences, I called it The Pillsbury Dough Girl. I started it in 1998 but still havent finished writing it!

Losing weight is SO hard for me. I was always “the fat one” in the family, I had a big tummy and a big “hooter” (nose).  I was also the one who craved the Mothership’s praise and so finished all my meals. I still crave her approval FFS, at 40 you’d think I would have escaped her powers by now!

I gradually learned to accept that I will never be a size 8 – 10 like my sisters and cousins (hate them all)  unless something drastic happens, like a coma..  Like so many others, I don’t overeat, nor do I eat junk food or drink much. I “under-do”.. I can blame the Chronic FATigue Syndrome or my mobility problems but the (ample) bottom line is, as I can’t exercise atm, I have to eat less. End of. Smaller portions, simples..  

I am like Ma Larkin though, I love cooking, I love feeding people and I’m good at it.. I’m not *quite* up to her proportions, nor do I serve up anything like her portion sizes and I certainly don’t take whole chickens and champagne into the bath!  That said, I rather like taking a fella in with me ; )

So I need to re-train myself, but  how to break the habits of a lifetime?  I’ve bought smaller plates, always put left-overs straight into the fridge so we can’t have seconds and I dont eat breakfast and hardly ever have lunch.  Something’s got to give right? (Hopefully not my waistband!)

Or maybe I should get a grip, look in the mirror and shake my booty whilst sticking two fingers up at Kenneth Tong?

(More Cushion For The Pushin in the Urban Dictionary)


  1. I blogged about Tong yesterday. It contains intriguing nuggets of wisdom on my part, such as my assertion “he is an utterly insufferable **** of the very highest grade”. I think you know what tone you’ll get if you click head over to that page. He definitely shouldn’t be “banned” or censored in any way, though. I’d far rather this idiot was exposed for what he is, and ridiculed for being such a monumental prick.

    As for women, I like them curvy. There’s nothing worse than hearing women who are about a size 8 or 10 complaining that they’ve put on weight – yes, I’m thinking of you, Jennifer Metcalfe. In your case though, Miss Cushion, I’d say you were a bit of a MILF, but I digress. 😉

  2. Dearest Humph, the old saying goes beauty is within the eye of the beholder & in your case I don’t know what your worrying about & there is certainly nothing wrong with a bit of a jelly belly,

    For years I have dated many a larger girl & in my personal opinion I find larger girls more fun in & out of the bedroom.

    Just this week as the year turned I weighed myself & tipping sixteen stone thought I had better do something about it so am supping on the slim fast & trying to cut down on the bad things like Choccie & fizzy drinks & trying to enjoy fruit & I’ve even started using a Nintendo Wii fit!

    I know society pressures us all to look like either Kate Moss or Peter Andre but if research is done not only can weight be a genetic thing I am sure you will find over the years much more chemicals are being sprayed onto our food when it is being grown?

    I also blame this 24/7 society we are living, many days a week I have to eat at my desk while at work & working sometimes sixteen hours a day I have to eat when I can & I know that after dark our bodies take longer to digest food.

    Oh & by the way if you ever want company in the bath give us a shout & I’ll even bring my own rubber ducks!!!!!!!!!! & unlike our local lady in blue we can’t shed weight through hot air!

  3. You look damn good as you are, and this Tong geezer is a knobend. I can’t work out whether he’s ‘for real’ or just a troll – either way, utter twat. I hope Twitter kick him off their service; let him spout his pitiful bile somewhere less worthwhile.

    Hugs lady 🙂

    Pan x

  4. Kenneth Tong is a total prat. And dangerous with it. He should be banned from spreading his dangerous lies over Twitter. Curvy women always look better, size zero is not attractive. Who wants to feel a bag of bones?
    Stay strong Humph!

  5. You should have a solid breakfast if you can, eat a decent lunch and only a small meal in the evening.

    Oops, ‘should.’ Sorry. My mistake. I’ll be telling you to take a slimming pill next. Ignore me.

    That Tong bloke knows bugger all. A healthy body image is a psycho-social construct and little pills don’t help at all. What helps even less is telling people that they need a little pill. Arsehole.

    • That’s not so easy to do when you have 3 kids.. they always need a meal in the evening and I eat with them, if I lived alone it would be very different!

  6. Humph, I’ve met you and you’re lovely!

    One thing though, don’t skip breakfast. It actually kick starts your metabolism, and if you want to lose weight you’re actually more likely to do it if you eat a little something in the morning.

    Dr Nick x

    • It’s not really a concious thing tbh, I take pain killers when I wake up, don’t feel like eating anything till the pain wears off, which it doesnt so…

    • I agree with Nick

  7. That Tong twat is a total idiot & dangerous. Pre Tong, if you were happy with your body then that’s all that matters. You look gorgeous!
    I can only imagine these “pills” will be dangerous.
    I’m like you, I have curves. I am not a naturally skinny person & have to watch what I eat. I will not be bullied by that twat in to starving myself.
    Don’t think twice about changing you because of that nob.

  8. I’ll just leave this here as my ‘contribution’ to the discussion.


  9. Hi Humph,

    As a woman who finds that she is no longer the same size she was at 18 I so understand everything you said.

    I agree that we should learn to love ourselves the way we are, it is just difficult to do that when you see yourself in those pesky full-length mirrors they keep in shops.

    I will always find something to be unhappy about with my physical self, it is the way I am. However, I do try to balance that by remembering the things that I like about me…..

    All women should have a ‘thin’ mirror, that would keep us all smiling:)

    As for the pratfaced Mr Tong, he can take his pills and place them where the sun doesn’t shine!!

    Love always,

    Lesley xx

  10. Two fingers up for Tong.

    Having had an anorexic family member (caused by difficulties coming to terms with their sexuality), I loathe people like Tong who claim size zero and anorexia are desirable and matters of choice. The truth is anorexia can be a manifestation of a deep problem and is often a cry for help, anyone who encourages in others should be prosecuted.

    • Absolutely! If this was a miracle pill the medical profession would be on it like a shot, the fact that they aren’t shows that it is either a con or dangerous.. Sadly though I think he can market it as a “Slimming Aid”.. unless someone can prove it causes medical problems.

  11. Personally, the only response that Twat Tong inspires in me is one of incredible violence upon his puny body. His slimming pills are probably tape worm eggs, like some quacks in Harley Street peddled in the ’60’s; if not, they are possibly strong laxatives. Either way, they are not a medical product.
    He panders to this stupid theory that there is a “right” size and /or shape and if you don’t conform then you are somehow inadequate. He is, sadly, helped in this by vast amounts of media coverage on “so-called” celebs and their insane vanity.
    I have never been small or thin; apart from my recent deafness – which is WHOLLY unrelated to any weight issues – I have never been seriously ill either. I have led an active life, eat – by choice – a healthy diet of fruit, fish, vegetables and more fruit; and I can still sprint for a bus – and catch it – at the advanced age of 56. I usually beat my 18 year old daughter too, and she is thin.
    I do so wish people would not give this prick – no, sorry; PRICKS have a use! – this idiot publicity, and i do wish twitter would remove him from abusing the format.
    Your size is immaterial, unless it is such that effects your health.
    Was Sophie Loren a size 0? No. Was there ever a more beautiful woman? No.
    We love you for who you are Humph; not for what TosserTong thinks you should be.

  12. Humph,

    You are delightful just the way you are.

    Adoring you

    • Aw, I love the “Adoring you” *swoons*

    • You’re perfick Humph. Tong is obviously talking rubbish. In fact he’s totally Pete Tong (wrong)

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