The Hair-Mare Before Christmas..

That’s it, snuggle up and I’ll tell you a story all about a very silly girl named Humphrey…

*Why* do we do it? Or is it just me?  Is it my mistrust and hatred of hairdressers, my arrogant belief in my own abilities, being totally skint or just plain stupidity that guided my hand to the DIY hair colour kit?   I have been here before of course, show me a woman who hasn’t totally ruined her hair/dating opportunities/life and I will show you a woman who doesn’t like chocolate nor secretly wish Michael Buble is singing “just havent met you yet” to her… yeah, that’s right – she doesn’t exist.

Why is it always at an important time?  No way I could ruin my hair just before..erm.. nothing at all !  It is ALWAYS just before a wedding/re-union/Christmas-New Year or the meeting of the-most-splendid-man-in the-world-ever for the first time.

I really don’t enjoy the hairdressers though I know we are “supposed” to.. It may just be me but I *always* wash and style my hair before I enter the coven, full make-up on and usually a nice top.. its ridiculous but I have a theory that if I go in looking a mess, I will come out looking a mess..  I hate the basins which make your neck go numb, the assistant who washes your hair without seeming to make contact with it at all (yet you still feel obliged to tip her, aghh) and the coffee which always smells divine but you can’t quite reach it.. and if you do, it will be full of little bits of your chopped locks.

The other thing I really hate about the hairdressers is that they cannot read my mind.. grrrr..  Of course I want to look like Meg Ryan, Drew Barrymore or Jennifer Aniston when I leave, why cant they just work that out/do it and WHY can’t I just tell them what *I* want? “Do whatever YOU think”.. “What would suit me?”, “Really? Pink streaks and a perm?  Well, if you say so.. ”

So anyway, this year’s disaster was prompted by my 16-year-old declaring loudly in Tesco’s that I look really old now as my hair is so grey under the lights.. After checking the bank I realised that spending anything up to 80 quid on my hair this side of Christmas was not only incredibly selfish but nigh-on impossible.  Yes, you heard me 80 QUID!!  You fella’s get off lightly with your £6 “Shave-It-All-Off-I’m-Going-Bald-Anyway” look. I digress.. over the past few weeks I have put streaks of 3 different colours into said horrid daughter’s hair and they looked lovely.. really subtle, professional even, so what could go wrong?  I *am* WOMAN!… 

I *am* NUMPTY…  first attempt left me with caramel and peach streaks.. although I was really proud of the streaks themselves, not easy to put foils in yourself!  *waits for applause*  So, onto stage 2/3/4 & 5… finally I am left with caramel and primrose yellow.. and that’s how they will stay* until I either come into money, shave it all off or wake up and it’s all been a terrible dream…

*Disclaimer:  I did save** a little of the last box of highlights “just in case”

** Stop me FFS


  1. Even from a male perspective that is funny – and my highlight ….. “You fella’s get off lightly with your £6 ”Shave-It-All-Off-I’m-Going-Bald-Anyway” look”
    Nice one Humph xx.

  2. Confession time Humph! I cut my fringe today after growing it out for months. I knew I couldn’t get an appointment for the hairdresser so just took the scissors and had a chop:) At least they will be open next week to fix it…..

    Perhaps I should have called round to you; I think it is always easier to do for someone else. I am sure that you will carry your hair with style and aplomb and will set the trend for 2011:)

    Love and kisses,


  3. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Iain Montgomery. Iain Montgomery said: RT @humphreycushion: The Hair-Mare Before Christmas.. : A "girly" post for a change : ) >Commented 🙂 […]

  4. You’re a bad girl humphrey. You have a much better picture than that of your new hair and you look as *phwoar* as ever.
    Nowt wrong with the colour at all.
    And if you can colour for a 16 yo and live to tell the tale, you’re much better than you give yourself credit for.

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