David Cameron as Thomas the Tank Engine
Tony, Edward and Gordon as themselves
Rt Hon Eric Pickles as the Fat Controller
Narrator played mischievously by Ms Cushion
Thomas’ Train/A Big Day for Thomas
Thomas: I spend my time pulling coaches about, ready for you to take out on journeys!
Narrator: The other engines laughed.
Thomas: Why can’t I pull passenger trains, too?!
Tony, Edward, and Gordon: You’re too impatient. You’d be sure to leave something behind.
Thomas: Rubbish! I’ll show you!
* * * * * * *
Thomas – It is an honour and a privilege to stand here, before the party I lead, before the country I love, as the Conservative prime minister of the United Kingdom.
I want to tell you today, in the clearest terms I can, what we must do together, and what we can achieve together.
Narrator – Yes, Thomas but you are scaring all the passengers
Thomas – Look what we’ve done in five months. Just imagine what we can do in five years…
The Fat Controller: Hello! Remember, don’t be impatient, Thomas. You can never be as strong and fast as Gordon, but you can be a really useful engine. Don’t let the silly fucks trucks tease you.
Thomas: From top-down to bottom-up. From state power to people power. The big society spirit blasting through. Peep! Peep! Peep!
Narrator – Well, it made me laugh anyway…
Real excerpts taken from the Thomas the Tank Engine series written by the Rev WV Awdry, quotes taken from David Cameron’s 2010 Conservative Conference speech and some other bits totally made up : )
(P.S.. some people (2678 ) seem to think Dave looks more like a “Hooray Henry… “)
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